


Stronger Together

by DeadlyNova



Series: Stronger Together [1]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Banter, Bathing/Washing, Fluff and Angst, Hair Washing, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Self-Doubt, Trans Kurapika, Trans Male Character, get you a man who loves you as much as leorio loves kurapika, seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:27:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23758384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeadlyNova/pseuds/DeadlyNova
Summary: He couldn't keep running, as difficult as it may be. He couldn't keep pushing the people he loved away.He knew Leorio would chase him to the ends of the earth if he had to, so he might as well make things a little easier for them both and meet him halfway. It was the least he could do.And if things turned out to be painful, as they are want to do, then he would have to bear it.He could handle it. He was strong enough to do so. And Leorio could handle it, too. They were both immeasurably strong people. And they could be even stronger together.
Relationships: Kurapika/Leorio Paladiknight
Series: Stronger Together [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1744345
Comments: 22
Kudos: 255





	Stronger Together

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place...somewhere after the current events of the manga. I know none of us are pretending to understand what's going on at the manga at this point.

He'd never considered himself an anxious person. Typically he threw himself into everything with little to no thought about the outcome. Not because he was some sort of fool, mind you, but because he cared little for the consequences of his actions. 

So why then was he feeling this way _now_?

Leorio would be arriving in three days. 

It had been so long since they had seen one another. 

Years, perhaps. But time ran together these days. It could have been merely a few months and he'd be none the wiser. 

He'd spent so long blinded by hatred and revenge that the passage of time became of little consequence, and the passing of his own life of even less. Still he occasionally let himself, when he had a moment to breathe, think of his friends. Of if they were doing well. Of what they were up to. Of what he would think if they were to make the same decisions regarding their well-being that he did. 

It had already happened in the past. He'd be a hypocrite if he were to judge Gon for how he'd behaved. He regretted not being there to try to talk some sense into him, but he also knew, from experience, that such a thing would have never worked. 

He knew now how Leorio must feel, how _all_ of his friends must feel, about his reckless and borderline suicidal behavior. 

Which is why he was feeling so anxious. 

Scared, even. 

Yes. He was terrified. 

He was terrified to tell Leorio the truth. He was terrified to tell him just how far he'd gone. How much time he'd shaved off his life. How reckless he was. How foolish, throwing his life away like that. 

He hadn't felt any fear at all doing it. He shaved time off of his own life without much thought. He didn't care, hadn't for years. 

But now, when he thought about Leorio, he did. 

He still had a hard time measuring the value of his own life. He wasn't sure he would ever be able to stake as much value in himself as most people did. It just wasn't in his nature, not anymore. 

He did have his pride. But that was different. His pride was more connected to the Kurta bloodline than himself as a person. He was proud to be Kurta, but was he proud to be Kurapika? 

Did he put any value in _Kurapika_?

He wasn't really sure. 

But he put a _lot_ of value in _Leorio_.

Despite his attempts to push the other man away he kept coming back. Every time he came back. He never stopped calling, no matter how many times his calls went unanswered. He never stopped sending a barrage of messages. Never stopped leaving voice mails, not until the inbox was full. 

He didn't stop trying to get Kurapika to visit him, or vice versa, despite the fact that Kurapika was flighty and had canceled their last planned meeting at the last second. Despite the fact that he was never in one place for very long, which made planning any meetings difficult. 

Despite his years of running, Leorio never gave up. 

But he didn't put his life on hold, either. 

He'd made a fine doctor of himself. He had achieved his goals. 

Kurapika was happy for him. Proud, even. Proud that the abrasive man he'd met so many years ago had become the finest doctor he could possibly be. Proud that the idiot he butted heads with and insulted and belittled time and time again had beaten all of the odds stacked against him.

It was admirable. Leorio was admirable. He was the type of person most people would look up to, dream to be. 

Nothing like Kurapika. 

He knew Leorio would never look down on him for his actions. He was too kind. He had never judged him in the past, and he wouldn't now, for that he was sure. 

He wasn't ashamed of the path he'd gone down with his life. 

While he could sit and question his choices, put himself down, and question the value of his decisions and even his life all day, he never regretted it. He _did_ still have his pride, after all. 

No, it wasn't pity or being looked down upon that caused the anxiety to creep into his heart. 

It was the fact he didn't want to cause Leorio any more pain. 

He'd been through enough. Losing his best friend, nearly losing Gon. The last few times they spoke, if Kurapika admitted to anything that would cause himself any harm, he could hear the pain in Leorio's voice. 

And the fear. So much fear. 

He couldn't bear to see it in his eyes, too. 

It was taking every ounce of strength in his body not to flee. Not to just disappear again. To change his number. To never have to face him. 

Or, to be slightly less cruel, to send him a text to cancel their meeting and then turn his phone off. Ignore the messages. Ignore the problem. 

But he couldn't run away forever. Running away would just cause more pain, in the end. For Leorio and for himself. 

So he couldn't keep running, as difficult as it may be. He couldn't keep pushing the people he loved away. 

He knew Leorio would chase him to the ends of the earth if he had to, so he might as well make things a little easier for them both and meet him halfway. It was the least he could do. 

And if things turned out to be painful, as they are want to do, then he would have to bear it. 

He could handle it. He was strong enough to do so. And Leorio could handle it, too. They were both immeasurably strong people. And they could be even stronger together. 

* * *

Three short knocks followed by two slower ones. It was the specific sign they had agreed upon over the phone. 

But Kurapika almost couldn't bring himself to answer the door. 

Despite the sluggish feeling in his body from his lack of sleep, his mind was racing. 

Leorio was on the other side of that door. 

He thought he'd already come to terms with the fact this meeting was happening. He'd forced his brain to accept it. Or so he'd thought, anyway. 

Leorio knocked again. Three short knocks followed by two slower ones. 

Kurapika guessed it'd take about two minutes before he started yelling. 

He was wrong. It was one. 

He couldn't really understand him, muffled by the thick hotel room door. Something along the lines of _'Open the damn door!'_ and _'I'm not joking, Kurapika.'_ Okay, perhaps he could understand him perfectly and was just stalling a little longer by thinking too much about it. 

Kurapika sighed and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He stood slowly, ignoring the pounding in his head and the slight blur to his vision for a moment when he did so. 

He took a moment to glance at himself in the full length mirror on the closet door as he passed it. 

Ah, yes. He'd been planning to make himself look at least somewhat presentable before Leorio's arrival. 

That hadn't happened, though. He'd been too lost in his head. He wasn't even sure how many hours he'd lay there, staring at the ceiling, negative thoughts whirling around inside of him until he felt like he would burst. 

Oh well. There was nothing that could be done about it at this point.

Leorio was banging on the door now, the code they'd agreed upon no longer mattering. 

He nearly fell into the room when Kurapika finally opened the door. 

"Finally! I thought you'd up and bailed on me again!" 

"I apologize. I had to gather my bearings." 

"Gather your bearings, huh?" As Leorio glanced at him Kurapika realized he couldn't look _less_ put together right now even if he tried. 

He was wearing pajamas that were much too large for him. Their cleanliness was questionable. He wasn't sure when he had last showered. His hair hadn't been brushed. He hadn't slept in days. The bags under his eyes were probably ten times larger than usual. He was unsteady on his feet. 

He turned to look away from Leorio, feeling his face flush. "Yes, well. I lost track of the time. Obviously I'd have made myself much more presentable if I'd known it was time for you to arrive." 

"Uh-huh. Glad to hear you'd go through all that effort just for me." 

Kurapika turned back to glance at him from the corner of his eye. "Don't tease me, Leorio." 

Leorio shot him a genuine smile and placed a hand on his upper arm. It felt warm, even though the fabric of his pajama top. "C'mon, let's sit down. We've got a lot to catch up on." 

There were no chairs in the small room, so he let Leorio steer him towards the bed. It was still perfectly made from when roomservice came three days ago and fixed it. 

They sat beside one another on the edge. 

Leorio hadn't let go of his arm. 

Kurapika allowed himself to look up, to finally look into his eyes. 

Right now they were kind and clear. Free from the worry that Kurapika had no doubt would fill them once he laid himself bare. 

He wanted to relish the fondness in them now before they were clouded with fear. He knew undoubtedly, though, that, even amongst the fear, the fondness would remain.

Kurapika wasn't stupid. 

He knew just how much Leorio cared about him. That he loved him. Kurapika had had many loved ones in his life, but not a single one had ever looked at him like that. 

That was just another reason he was so afraid.....

"-rapika. Kurapika!" 

Fingers snapped in front of his face. He blinked. Leorio's hand was on his forehead, pushing back his hair and staring deeply into his eyes. He was awfully close. 

"Lost you there for a second...when was the last time you slept?" 

"Three days." 

Leorio's brow furrowed. Kurapika averted his eyes. "Three days?! What the hell, Kurapika?!" He was up in a second, pulling back the covers on the bed, seemingly forgetting that Kurapika was currently sitting on top of them, thus making it rather difficult to do so. "Go to sleep!" 

"If 'going to sleep' were that simple I'd have done it ages ago, Leorio." 

Leorio sighed, pinching his brow. "Alright, fair enough...." He walked back around from the other side of the bed to sit down where he had been before. 

Kurapika stared at the floor. He knew Leorio was looking at him, but he didn't dare look back. He knew that worry in his eyes was already there, and he couldn't witness it just yet. 

"Something's eating at you, huh?" 

Kurapika didn't answer. 

"Look, I'm no psychiatrist, but I do care an awful lot about you, you know? You can talk to me." He could hear the concern in his voice. God, this was already so difficult. 

Kurapika leaned forward, burying his face in his hands and clenching his eyes shut. His head pounded.

Leorio's hand was on his back. It felt even warmer now. He wanted to cry. 

"Leorio..."

"Hm?" He rubbed small circles onto his back. It was soothing. Everything about Leorio was soothing. 

He needed to stop being so scared. It would be okay. It would be fine. He had to rip it off like a band-aid. It would hurt them both for a moment, then it would be over. Leorio might even briefly be quite angry with him, but he would forgive him. It would be fine. 

"I'm sorry..." He whispered. 

"Hey, it's okay." Leorio was leaning close to him, probably to better hear what he was saying. "What's wrong?" 

"I keep hurting you. Over and over again....all I do is hurt you." 

"Hey, hey, it's okay. I can take it. I'm way stronger than I used to be, you know?" The circles he was rubbing into Kurapika's back become rougher, faster. Leorio was nervous. Scared of what he was going to say. 

"Yes...you're strong. So much stronger than me..." Kurapika laughed bitterly. "It's pathetic...I can't even look you in the eye right now." 

Kurapika could feel the tension radiating off of the other man. He could tell Leorio was itching to know what he was talking about but trying to be patient and let him take his time in telling him. He really was far too kind. 

There was a beat of silence before Leorio spoke up. "Kurapika. Please, talk to me. What's going on with you, huh?" 

"You're going to be angry with me." 

"I won't." 

"You can't promise that. Especially because I know you will be." 

"Okay. Then I won't promise anything." Leorio sighed, and Kurapika felt him shift beside him. He still didn't dare look at him. "Just tell me what's wrong with you so I can yell at you for it and we can move past it, then." 

Kurapika couldn't help his small smile. 

"I...I don't know if there is a way for me to tell you this without just...coming out with it." 

His heart was racing. Leorio was going to be so upset. He'd have to see that look in his eyes for God know's how long. 

"So..just...come out with it, then." 

"Some time ago I...lost consciousness while under the effects of Emperor Time. I'm afraid that I...that I shaved quite a bit of time off of my lifespan during just that one use." 

Leorio was silent for a moment. His voice was tense when he spoke. "How much time?" 

Kurapika bit his lip, curling in on himself. "Around...five years." 

The room was dead silent. The whooshing of the ceiling fan was deafening. The birds chirping outside had never seemed louder, nor had the footsteps of people walking up and down the hallway. 

Kurapika tried to give Leorio time to let out a verbal response. But it didn't seem to be happening anytime soon. 

So he knew he would have to face his fears. 

He would have to look at him. Look him in the eyes.

He slowly turned his head to look up at the other man. 

He regretted it immediately. 

Leorio was crying. 

And he was looking at him with so much despair that Kurapika could almost hear his heart break. 

He shouldn't have told him. He should have lied. What reason was there to tell him? He'd never know the difference. He'd never even realize. He only told him because of his own guilty conscience. This was a mistake. He should have fled. He should have disappeared. He should have spared himself the pain. He should have spared _Leorio_ the pain. 

"Hey." Leorio's watery voice interrupted his thoughts. "I can hear you thinking." 

A hand was on his cheek. Leorio cradled his face like he was the most precious thing in the world. Like his life had value. 

"You're not going to yell at me? Aren't you angry?" He wanted to be yelled at. Wanted to be told how selfish and wrong he was. Wanted some form of punishment. 

"I want to. _Ooooh_ God I want to." Leorio grit his teeth, but the anger didn't reach his eyes. "I've never been so angry with you in my _life_. And you _know_ nobody can piss me off like you do." He chuckled bitterly. "But what good would it do? What's the point of starting a fight with you when all I've wanted for so long is to see you? And how could I start a fight when you look like you're about to pass out any second? I'm not heartless, you know." 

"You're the least heartless person I've ever met." Kurapika allowed himself a small smile. 

"You're damn right!" Kurapika's smile grew a little, and he was sure he was looking up at Leorio with that same fondness that the other man always directed towards him. 

"Thank you." 

"For what?" 

"For being you." 

Leorio sputtered and his cheeks grew red. Kurapika let out a laugh. 

"Okay, okay, don't do that. I'm still mad at you. But I'll yell at you later. And we can catch up later, too. Right now we've got more important things to worry about." 

Kurapika raised an eyebrow. "Such as?" 

Leorio gestured vaguely towards him. " _This_." 

He scoffed. 

"Seriously. I come all this way to see you and you greet me looking like _this_? When was the last time you bathed?" 

"Funny, I swear we were just discussing how _kind_ you were." 

"I am being kind. I didn't tell you that you stink." 

"I don't _stink_!" He knew he was pouting. Leorio laughed at him. 

"Sure. C'mon, smelly. First things first, you're taking a shower. Then you're changing out of those dirty pajamas. Then you're going to sleep for a _minimum_ of ten hours. Doctor's orders." 

Kurapika's natural instincts made him want to find something to argue. "I don't have any other pajamas." 

"Too bad. We'll figure something out. Let's go." Leorio grabbed his arm, pulling him up and towards the bathroom. 

"Why are you coming with me?" 

"Kurapika. You haven't slept in three days. You're on the verge of passing out. I'm not letting you hit your head and get a concussion because you can't bother to shower for weeks at a time." 

"It hasn't been weeks." 

"Stop arguing with everything I say!" 

"Then stop giving me reasons to argue with you!" Kurapika winced at his own raised voice, and Leorio shot him a sympathetic look. 

When they arrived to the bathroom they realized there was no shower. Only a bathtub. Oh. Kurapika had somehow missed that detail, since he hadn't bathed here since beginning his stay. 

Well, at least Leorio wouldn't try to stay in the bathroom with him, then. He couldn't fall and hit his head if he was sitting in the bathtub. 

They stood in silence for a beat before Leorio went over and began running the bath. Kurapika found himself smiling fondly as he watched him stick his hand under the water to check the temperature. 

"I can run my own bath, you know." 

"What, and burn yourself because you make the water too hot? No way, I'm _not_ trusting you to do anything right now. People always make the dumbest choices when they're tired." 

"You must be tired all the time, then." 

Leorio prickled. He was so fun to tease. "I'm gonna pretend you didn't say that." 

"Why, because you don't have a comeback?" 

Leorio let out a growl. Kurapika giggled, swaying lightly on his feet. 

After a moment Leorio turned off the faucet. "Well, hop in." 

Kurapika walked over to the tub. He stared at Leorio. He was just standing there. 

"Are you going to leave?" 

Leorio raised an eyebrow, almost looking at him like he was stupid. "No?" 

"I'm not...I don't want to take a bath with you standing there, Leorio." He couldn't imagine how red his face was right now. Probably as red as Leorio's was turning. 

The other man raised his hands up in the air defensively. "Look! I'm not being a pervert!! I'm a doctor!! This is _strictly_ professional!!" He swallowed, his face growing redder. "But I'm not gonna let you fall asleep in the tub and _drown_ while I sit in the other room!" 

Kurapika bit his lip. He had a point. He couldn't even guarantee to himself he wouldn't pass out in the tub. Telling Leorio the thing that had been eating at him, and thereby finally freeing his mind of it, had stopped the racing thoughts that had so desperately been keeping him awake. He had no doubt he'd be dead to the world as soon as his head hit the pillow. 

"Fine." He sighed. "But please turn around for a moment, at least." 

"Yeah, yeah." Leorio turned to face away from him, fidgeting nervously. Kurapika tried to undress as quickly as possible and step into the tub, but his sluggishness made him nearly lose his balance a few times, so he didn't rush it. He was _not_ about to trip up on air and have Leorio have to come to his aid when he was _naked_. He couldn't imagine a scenario more humiliating than that.

Having Leorio in the same room as him right now was making him feel very self conscious. Nobody had ever seen him nude besides his parents when he was a small child. To have the person he-well, to have Leorio near him right now felt...embarrassing, to say the least. 

When he finally finished undressing he slowly stepped into the tub and sunk down as far as he could into the warm water. It was slightly cloudy due to the heat of it, but it did nothing to hide his body like he would have liked. He found himself wishing for bubbles, or perhaps one of those colorful 'bath bombs' Killua had talked so much about. 

He pulled his knees up to his chest in an attempt to cover himself.

"Can I turn around now?" 

"I..I suppose." Well, no point in worrying too much about it now. 

Leorio turned back around, making a note not to look at him as he put down the lid of the toilet and had a seat on it. 

They sat in silence as Kurapika put soap on a washcloth and began to wash himself as best as he could without moving his knees. He was pretty sure he was flushed down to his shoulder blades, and from his last glance Leorio wasn't doing much better. His eyes were darting around the room and his face was as red as a tomato. Kurapika couldn't help but find it rather endearing. 

"Here!" Leorio stood up abruptly. "Let me help!!" He reached for the shampoo bottle, in the process knocking all of the products to the floor with a clatter. "Shit!" 

"I don't think this is something I really need help with, Leorio...." 

"N-no, I know, I just mean...it...it'll go faster if I help! Then you won't be...naked as long!" 

He clumsily picked up the shampoo and squirted some in his palm. 

"My hair's still dry, you know." 

"Oh, shit!!" Kurapika giggled. Yes, definitely endearing. 

"Here, I'll just...close your eyes, please." 

Leorio scrunched his eyes shut, hand still held out full of shampoo, and Kurapika was positive he couldn't be more fond of a person if he tried. 

He dunked his head before giving Leorio the all clear, and next thing he knew Leorio's hands were in his hair, and he really didn't think about how much that would affect him. 

It was nice. Soothing. Leorio had gentle hands, a doctor's hands. The long fingers massaged over his scalp, and he hadn't felt this loved or cared for in years. He couldn't help but wonder, for a fleeting moment, what those gentle hands would feel like on other parts of his body...but that was a thought for another time. Not now. 

Sadly the moment was fleeting. Leorio's hands pulled back and Kurapika spared him a glance, watching as he closed his eyes again, and Kurapika ducked back under the water. 

It wasn't long before his bath was done, and Leorio stood at the side of the tub once more with his eyes screwed shut, holding out a large, soft towel. 

Kurapika took it, drying off. He felt much less self conscious than before. After he finished he wrapped the towel around himself. 

"Leorio?" 

"Hm?" He cracked open an eye. 

"I still don't have anything to wear." 

Leorio fully opened his eyes, pointedly not looking at anything but Kurapika's face. "You don't have _anything_ else you can use as pajamas?" 

Kurapika shook his head. "My current wardrobe consists of only suits and my traditional Kurta clothing." 

Leorio sighed and waved his hand. "Hang on. I'll find something while you brush your teeth." 

So Kurapika did just that. And, after a moment, Leorio came back holding one of his own button down shirts. 

"You...you can wear this, if you want...but I, uh...I don't have anything else for you to wear with it." 

Kurapika found himself flushing again at the mere idea of wearing one of Leorio's shirts. But he was also excited by the thought. "That's fine. This in addition to my own undergarments will suffice." 

Leorio's eyes widened for a second, seemingly in shock, as if he'd expected Kurapika to tell him no. "Oh! O-okay." He stood awkwardly in the doorway while Kurapika walked past him to grab his underwear, walked _back_ into the bathroom, grabbed the shirt, and finally ushered him out fully so he could close the door and get dressed. 

When Kurapika emerged Leorio was finally pulling back the blankets on the bed like he had tried to earlier. 

He was pretty sure Leorio's breath hitched when he looked at him. His mouth was also gaping open like a fish. 

"It's not polite to stare, you know." 

"Right! Sorry! I wasn't staring! Anyway, if you let me borrow a pillow I can just sleep on the floor, so-" 

"Absolutely not. You're out of your mind if you think I would allow you to sleep on the floor after a day of traveling." 

"But-" 

"Don't argue. If you can put all your effort into looking out for me at least let me return the favor, if only a little bit. You're sleeping in the bed. With me." 

"O-oh." 

Oh. That sounded.....not how he intended it to. 

They both chose to ignore it. 

"Right. I'll get ready for bed too, then." 

Kurapika laid down, curling up under the covers. He stubbornly forced himself to stay awake until Leorio joined him. 

It felt like an eternity. 

Finally the bed shifted and he was beside him. 

"I figured you'd be asleep by now." 

"I wanted to wait for you." 

"The whole point of this is that you sleep, you know that, right?" 

"Of course." 

Leorio chuckled. "Okay. Goodnight, then." He pulled the covers over himself. 

They were silent for a moment. 

"Leorio?" 

"Hm?"

"Can-...this is going to sound foolish...." 

"You're too smart to sound foolish...." 

"May I...listen to your heartbeat?" 

"Huh?" 

"I...Melody told me you had a calming heartbeat. I would like to listen to it, if I may?" 

"Oh....sure, sure. Of course." Leorio scooted closer, and Kurapika scooted closer in turn. He leaned his head against Leorio's chest. 

The other man seemed unsure of what to do with his arm for a moment before it settled around Kurapika's waist, tugging him closer. 

Kurapika found himself knotting his fingers into Leorio's shirt. 

He listened to his heartbeat. Melody was right. It was soothing. Calming. Gentle. Although he was pretty sure it was beating a little bit faster now than usual. 

It was still just the right tempo to soothe him to sleep. 

They had a lot to talk about in the morning. He still had a lot of thoughts and feelings he needed to voice, and he was sure Leorio did too. He thought he might open up about his feelings towards himself, and towards Leorio. They definitely had a lot of catching up to do. 

But they would get through it. He'd faced his fears. He'd gotten through the hard part. They were together again. Leorio was here for him, and vice versa. They had been through a lot. They would likely go through a lot more. They would be fine. They were strong, as individuals. But they were even stronger together. 

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on tumblr @kirishimasmom !


End file.
